The Writer's Almanac remembers comedian Henny Youngman, born this day in 1906:
It's the birthday of the man whose most famous line was "Take my wife — please": comedian Henny Youngman, born in London (1906). He said, "I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother." He grew up in New York City, and he made his first appearance at an amateur night when he was 16. His father didn't approve — he called the cops and had his son pulled off the stage, and sent him to vocational school. But Youngman persevered, and after he became a comedian he traveled an average of 500,000 miles a year to perform. He delivered one-liners while playing a 19th-century violin, telling at least 50 jokes in an eight-minute routine. He said, "If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?"
He said, "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
And, "A man says to another man, 'Can you tell me how to get to Central Park?' The guy says no. 'All right,' says the first, 'I'll mug you here.'"
And, "The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
And, "Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
And, "My grandmother is over 80 and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
And, "A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."
And, "I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up — they have no holidays."
And, "I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."
And, "Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it."
And, "You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready."
And, "My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?"
And, "If at first you don't succeed ... so much for skydiving."
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